Some Life Events

Isaiah and I Met - 2008

Isaiah and My Engagement - 2010

Isaiah and I were married - 2012

Nehemiah was born - 2013

Valiant was born - 2014

Levi's was born - 2015

Baby Guardian - 2016

Nehemiah playing with Guardian shortly after we he came home with us - 2016

Valiant playing with Guardian - 2016

Isaiah and My 5th Wedding Anniversary at Longwood Gardens - 2017

Peter was born - 2017

Isabella was born - 2019 

Baby Enoch went Home to Jesus - 2019

Baby Elijah went Home to Jesus - 2020

Baby Faith went Home to Jesus - 2020 

The Beast Within

The Beast Within

By: Elizabeth Claytor June 30, 2020

There's a beast inside of me.
And it wants to be set free.
It's angry, very angry.
It's lost control of me.
You see, I've chained it up;
Lost it's sway; now it's fed up.
I've put it under subjection.
And this beast hates rejection.

It loathes this new transition.
But, this girl, she's on a mission!!!


This beast inside of me,
It wants to be set free!!
It says, "Let me out!"
"I'll make it all better!"
I can hear it shout.
But I know,
If I let it go,
That will not be so.
It only makes things worse.
It is my mortal curse.

"Beast, you're staying inside of me.
No, you can NOT be set free."



Maybe if I keep saying "No!"
It will give up and go.
If I starve this mean streak,
Maybe it will get weak.
If I dehydrate this guy,
Maybe it will even die.

Beast, you've cause me much pain.
No longer will you reign!!!
 


This beast inside of me,
It wants to be set free.
But this I know!!!
I can't let it go!!!


Because I can't let it out!!!
I'll ignore it's every shout!!
My will just has to be stronger.
I can do this a little bit longer.
Because I know what it will do
It will destroy everything I hold true.
It will kill everything I love.
It won't care;
It'll just push and shove.

"Beast, you're staying inside of me.
No, you can't be set free."



This beast inside of me,
It wants to be set free.
But I don't care!!!
It's staying there!!! 
This beast inside of me,
I will not set it free!!!
I won't let it destroy everything I hold true.
I won't let it kill everything I love.

~ Lizzie

Beauty From Ashes

Beauty from Ashes

By: Elizabeth Claytor July 14, 2020

(Late night poem inspiration, inspired by a shirt I saw on a Facebook AD...)

There she lay in her ashes.
Tears falling down from her lashes.

Broken, beaten, and worn.
Regretting the day she was born.

She's loved but she doesn't know it.
Too many didn't know how to show it.

"This all must be my fault."
"Their love can be bought."

"If only I can be good enough."
"If only I was made of better stuff."

Jesus sees her; hears her every cry.
He doesn't keep on passing by.

His daughter He has found.
Lifts her face up from the ground.

Peers into her tear-stricken eyes.
Washes her mind of all the lies.

Whispers, "You are mine."
"With Me, you'll be just fine."

"You are enough."
"You are loved."
"You are wanted."
"I made you fearfully, wonderfully."

"But..."

He brushes off
The tears from her cheek.

"No. Listen to Me."
"You are enough."
"You are loved."
"You are wanted."
"I made you fearfully, wonderfully."

"Believe My words,
Let go of all the lies!!"

"You are ENOUGH!"
"You are LOVED!"
"You are WANTED!"
"I made you FEARFULLY, WONDERFULLY!"

"You are My beauty from the ashes.
Now dry those beautiful lashes!"

"Stand up from that ground!
Remember, you have been found!"

"Say it loud!!
Say it proud!!"

"I am God's daughter!!"

"I was lost but now I'm found!!
He picked me up from my low ground!!"

"I am found; I am found; I am found!!!"

"I AM ENOUGH!"
"I AM LOVED!"
"I AM WANTED!"
"HE MADE ME FEARFULLY, WONDERFULLY!"

~ Lizzie

Sarah, It's Who You Are

Sarah, you are created in the image of God.
Yes, I know that might sound odd.

When you've spent so long not knowing your worth,
It may take some time for these truths to be unearthed.

Sarah, there are some things I need you to know.
So that we can both begin to heal and grow.

Sarah, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Through you, God's glory is being displayed.

Sarah, you are loved; you are precious.
It doesn't take much for you to impress us.

Sarah, you are so strong and brave.
I see you struggling to know how to behave.   

You feel like you don't belong.
You are so afraid to do wrong.

So afraid of rejection that you hide your shine,
Your love of beauty and all things fine.

Sarah, you are kind, loving, helpful, gentle, sweet,
Passionate, independent, flexible, organized, and neat.

Positive, funny, joyful, creative, energetic,
Curious, thoughtful, observant, loyal and empathetic.

Sarah, I know you are thinking that I must be blind,
But when I think of you, all of these come to mind.

I hope someday you'll see through the pain.
And once again be able to dance in the rain.

If you can look past all the sin that surrounded you,
You'd see all you are really did and does have value.

I want you to believe that you are enough
And let go of all that negative stuff.

I want you to sing and let us all listen
To the beautiful melodies we've been miss'in.

Bring that joy back into your step;
Smile, don't hide it, let us see your pep. 

You are a nurturer, musician, and artist,
Don't be silent or hold back, I insist.

The time to adapt and change are gone.
Now you are free to break through the dawn.

Sarah, you were once told you were bad and must be rejected,
Don't listen to those voices because by God you've been elected! 

A miracle, God wanted you to be born.
He made you His own to adorn. 

He gave you a heart full of compassion, a lover of life and Earth,
He chose you and loved you long before your birth. 

I hope someday you will finally see,
The beauty you have to offer and just be.




God created you
Fearfully, wonderfully.
You're beautiful!
And I know you
Haven't heard that lately.
But it's true.
That is you. 
The world tried to beat you down.
And so have I.
But as I cry
I realize, I need you.
You are a part of me.
This I now see.
And you're beautiful. 

It's time I set you free.
It's time I broke your chains.
It's okay to be you.
It's okay to come out and play. 
Every pain that you've endured
Have been seen by your Lord. 

~ Lizzie Aug. 6, 2020

Heart-broken in Three

Oh my darlings in heaven,
Numbers eight, six and seven,

Do you know that you are
So beloved?
Do you know that you are
Dreamed of?

Do you know how many times
I cry?
Do you know how many days
Go by?

Do you know how many hours
I miss?
Do you know how many moments
Of bliss?

Do you know how often I feel
Your absence?
Do you know how often I wish for
Your presence?

Do you know that I think of how old
You'd be?
Do you know that I think of how soon
You'd see?

Do you know that I tell myself
There's eight?
Do you know that five plus three
Equals eight?

"You can still try for number six."
They utter.
"Six?! I'd be adding NINE to the mix!"
I shudder.

I drown in my tears over the loss
Of you.
My heart has broken in three,
Not two.

I've been changed by grief forever
I know.
This painful, aching feeling will
Not go.

I'm growing as I keep on going
Without you.

I'm letting go what doesn't matter;

I'm through.

All of this has made me stronger
In life.
I'm moving forward; I've cut out
All strife. 

~ Lizzie Aug. 23, 2020

You Are So Real To Me

Tiny fingers, tiny toes,
And nobody knows.
God is forming you,
Love is shaping you.
You are bringing Him glory.
It's all part of your story.
You are so real to Him.

Tiny fingers, tiny toes,
And only God knows.
You're God's tiny secret.
His plan is already set.
How will you bring Him glory?
What will be your story? 
You are so real to Him.

Tiny fingers, tiny toes
Now your Mommy knows.
I'm a little nervous, even scared.
Wondering if I'm prepared. 
You are so real to me.
I dream of what you'll be.
You are so real to me.

Tiny fingers, tiny toes.
You're really there; I know.
All the signs are beginning to show.
I'm planning where you'll sleep.
I'm hoping you're mine to keep.
I'm planning what I'll do;
Baby bump photos, too.
What will your announcement be?
You are so real to me!

Tiny fingers, tiny toes,
I can't wait to share the news!!
Will I use purples or blues?
Will you be a girl or boy?
I wanna buy you a new toy!
Yes, you're really there;
And I can't wait to share.
You are so real to me!

Tiny fingers, tiny toes
I'm starting to count down the days.
Baby names on my radar always.
You're all I can think about.
How do I keep this from getting out?
You are so real, you are so real to me.

These tiny fingers, these tiny toes,
Nobody sees them; nobody knows.
God's plan was not my own.
He turned my heart to stone.
I saw your tiny fingers and tiny toes.
I knew you were gone and I just froze.
In disbelief I stared,
Definitely not prepared.
For all the grief this would bring.
For just how much this would sting.
How could this bring Him glory?
Why did He choose this story?

No more tiny fingers or tiny toes.
But still, nobody knows.
All that's left is grief.
And it brings no relief.
That's how you brought Him glory.
But it's not the end of your story.

I still see those
Tiny fingers and tiny toes
At night when my eyes close.
God used your story to bless mine.
Even a year later, you still shine.
My Faith was tested and I know it's real.
My Grief remains, but my Joy it couldn't steal.
I'm a part of your story. 
I saw you bring God glory.
You are still real, you are still real to me.

~ Lizzie Oct. 13, 2020

Last Day of Therapy

Dec. 4, 2020

About 6 months ago, I made the decision to start therapy sessions and I'm so glad that I did. Therapy always gets such a bad rap, but sometimes it is necessary. And for me it really was.

It took me through some very deep valleys. It made me face demons I thought I had defeated long ago. It brought things up I never realized I had a problem with.

But what it has done more than anything is it's brought me closer to the God I know and love. I was angry at Him for a long time. I was ready to throw in the towel. I questioned everything I believed in. I questioned God's character, His love, my faith. It was a long, often dark, battle through some deep trenches, but today that particular battle has come to an end. Today, I stand at the end of it knowing and believing who my God is and not questioning His character. I standing feeling His love for me more than ever and ready to proclaim as I have done so many times before that My God is Good. His character does not change because of circumstances. His love for me does not lessen because I'm angry with Him. I stand in victory to say that my Faith in Him is real and unwavering.

Today was my last therapy session. I feel free in so many senses of the word. I have the tools I need to keep fighting battles I am sure I will face in the future. I have a renewed sense of who God is and who He created me to be. Freedom is the perfect word for it.

I want to encourage anyone who has been wondering if therapy is right for them or who has really been wanting to try it out. Maybe you've been on the fence about it for a long time. Take that next step. You are worth it. God just might have a victory to work in you through it.

I recommend this website as this has been the counseling ministry that God has used to bless and change me:http://www.c-ccm.org/

~ Lizzie