Isaiah and my
engagement lasted from that October 28, 2010 evening when Isaiah
finally professed that God had told him I was the one for him until
May 26th 2012 when we finally got married. That October evening was a
wonderful one. I was up late that night talking on the phone to my
good college friends Anna, who was in CA at the time, and Rachel,
Isaiah's sister, who was in PA. I was super excited to tell them about
it. I didn't yet tell my parents about this because I just didn't
know how to because they already thought I was crazy for telling them
that God told me the name of the man I was to marry, so I was afraid
how they would respond and I didn't want any discouragement; I just
wanted to be happy and excited about what God was doing for me; plus
I felt that it was Isaiah's job to talk to them; and soon after, he
called my adoptive dad and we were "official". The first
few months of the engagement was wonderful and it was new, I mean, it
definitely wasn't a fairy tale; nothing like the movies; it was real
life with real struggles and real pain and real getting to know one
another. Right away though, I knew this was the best thing ever, even
though it wasn't easy. What is easy these days anyway?!
So Much Joy...
There were many
hardships and many joys during our engagement. The first few months,
the hardships were mostly just Isaiah and I communicating and getting
to know one another and learning how to be an encouragement to one another, which
we are still working on to this very day because we will never
understand each other perfectly since he's a guy and I'm a gal, but we
really do compliment one another. :) I'm getting ahead of myself.
Lol.
Getting back.
There were many joys during our engagement. I was in-love! (I still
am ;) That was a HUGE joy! Our relationship was finally happening; I
had been praying forever about it to happen and it had finally begun! I
was overjoyed! I finally had a man of God who loved me and actually
liked me for ME and wanted to spend the rest of his life with ME and
ALL of my issues, that was like a miracle in itself! Lol.
There were
other joys as well, we saw a lot of God's work in us as we grew
closer to one another and we learned a lot about ourselves and each
other, and helped one another with our spiritual walk. We prayed
together and read the Word together. I had a very best friend to text
all day long and talk to every night for almost 2 hours; except on
Friday Night we could talk as long as we wanted; that was probably
the last time I was willfully up until 2am. Lol. Love is such a
wonderful thing! It's such a joy that God gave us both in the midst
of living in such a hard world. God gave me a man and I saw God's
love in him. It was and is a wonderful gift from God and I thank God
every day for the joy that I have in calling Isaiah Claytor, my man
and my husband; he's all mine and I don't have to share him; he's
just what I asked my Heavenly Father for when I was in college and I
watched God take good care of me and make some of my dreams come
true!
...But Not Without Hardships
Our engagement
was a very joyous time, but it wasn't without its hardships. There
was just sooo much pain as well. Sadly, things began to go really downhill
with my adoptive parent's and my relationship because they began to learn about Isaiah and that he had different beliefs than they did. (Our relationship was never really great, but this was the breaking point; it was through this that I came to realize that the fantasy that I believed our relationship to be, was all a lie, but that is another story for another day.) I
didn't know all the beliefs that Isaiah had and I was learning about
them too and some of them scared me, but I stuck with the truth that
God knew what He was doing and I knew that Isaiah was the man I was
supposed to marry whether I agreed with everything he thought about
life or not. I knew that Isaiah was the kind of man who would follow
God's way no matter what and that is what I had prayed for. My
parent's believed that I already knew everything that Isaiah believe
because we were at college together, but in college I could hardly
get Isaiah to talk to me about anything because he knew I liked him -
I had never actually told him, but I'm not one that can hide how I
feel about anything - and he tried his best to stay away from me; he
didn't go to college to find a girl and he didn't want to get
distracted and he didn't want to encourage my feelings for him before
he knew that I was the one for him. He had other things he needed to
take care of in college and so did I, but I thought since God told me
whom I was to marry I was ready to get married right away; well, that
wasn't the case; we both still had some growing to do before the day
came for us to say "I do." God had a perfect plan; it was
hard to follow at times, but it was and always is perfect. :) Anyway,
my parents believed that Isaiah and I deceived them both and tricked
them and that lied to them and we weren't completely honest and they "didn't
have peace" about us getting married because of Isaiah's beliefs and
they told me not to marry him because God had someone else for me,
and I would never make it to the mission field because of Isaiah's
beliefs and that they can't give us their blessing, but I was old enough to make my own decision so I prayed and prayed and begged God
to change their hearts, but that wasn't His plan. He wanted me to go
on and get married without them. I will never understand why He
wanted that and it was the hardest thing I have ever done, but again,
His ways are not our ways and we can't always understand why God
leads us to do what is right even if it will cause the ones we love
most hurt and pain. Isaiah and I couldn't break the vow we had
already made to one another when he gave me the ring that July after my
dad had already told him we could marry; Dad changed his mind, but we
couldn't just break the vow that we had already made with each other
before the Almighty God. Also, the relationship with me and my
adoptive parents was so bad, I seriously believe I would have killed
myself if I didn't follow God's plan and get married because I was
being so oppressed by the Devil and discouraged and beat down by
their constant negativity toward me, the idea of living with them was
too much for me to handle. It's such a sad story and I always thought
that my engagement would be a wonderful time without any hardship.
Wow! I live in a dream world!!!Not much of my life has been without
hardships, why should my engagement be any different? Anyway, that was
the largest hardship of our engagement.
We had other
hardships as well. Not only were my parent's against our union, but
many others whom I thought were my friends and whom I thought would
stand by me turned against us, so we were attacked by many harsh
words and treated rather unkindly, but I can't control how people
act, and who knows what they were dealing with in their own lives.
Because of this, our wedding attendance was pretty small, but at
least we got to find out who our true friends were and the people who
were there were the people who really loved us and just wanted to see
us happy and also believed that our union was of God and not the
Devil. It was sad that there were so few there. I mean, there were
some who really wanted to be there but really couldn't make it
because of the last minute invites which we had to wait to send out
because of all the nonsense and hoping my parents would get on board
with us, but it was really eye-opening and the wedding was beautiful
regardless of it's size.
There was also
the hardship of being in-love; there was a long waiting process and
we had to control our emotions and keep from physical contact and
there were so many hormones that needed to be kept under control so
that we would remain pure until marriage. I am glad to say that God
gave us the strength to do so and kept us from touching, kissing and
sex before marriage and that's a huge step in the day and age we live
in today.
There was even
a difference when I went to church because I taught and attitudes
about my teaching became very different and it was as if no one trusted my
teaching and thought I would teach things wrong and tell the kiddos
there was no Rapture or something ridiculous like that; it was like I
was considered a heretic; that's what they called Isaiah. Church and
teaching was my life and the very thing I loved more than anything
and I felt like my church "family" was pushing me away and
didn't want me anymore. I would have had to pretend to be something I
wasn't to stay there and to stay in my parents house, and God was
moving me on into a new, beautiful chapter of my life and I was both
terrified and excited as I am with anything new and different God
leads me into.
So, that was
our engagement in a nutshell. It would take up way too many pages,
to tell every little detail and I don't really wanna think about all
the details of the pain I went through; it was a rough time and a
wonderful time. I have so many journals full of the adventures God
walked us through.
My next post
should be about our wedding day with some wedding pictures and then
I'd like to share about Nehemiah's birth and then Valiant's and then
the 3rd baby that's in my womb now. And I'd also like to post all of
the poems I have written throughout my years of writing. I have a
plan for this blog and I don't know who is reading it, but I do hope
it's been an encouragement to someone and has helped their walk with
God. I hope that I can be an example of a Christian who follows God
no matter what and will give up anything for His sake. All the pain I
have gone through is all for His sake and all for His glory and that
should be well worth it, for He suffered so much more for me; I should
be thrilled to suffer a little for Him and the Gospel's sake.
Until next time have a fabulous day!
