So, look, it's been another year, maybe it's time to update this blog. Lol. I've many post I could share. 

My main platform has always been Facebook since I got it in 2009; it's where I reach most of my friends, but I still like to keep the things I write in one place. This blog has most of them, so I'm going to still endeavor to keep the story going here. I haven't a clue if I'm reaching a single person through this blog, but a friend of mine said this quote this past Sunday. "We have an audience of One." This blog reaches the eyes of God and it fulfils the deep need to write for me. That's got to be enough for me. I'm not going to reach the world. I might only reach one and that one might just be myself. So be it. God has written and continues to right a beautiful story with my life. A common theme for my life and it's story is Beauty from Ashes. God has taken the really messy, sad moments of my life and turned them into something beautiful for His glory and I am happy to report what He's done in and through me. 

Feb. 26, 2021

Change, it's overwhelming. There have been a lot of recent changes in my day to day. 

One big change being diet. Isaiah switched to a gluten and dairy free diet a few months ago which was and continues to be a hurdle; and, Wednesday, Feb. 24, 2021, I was informed after getting some routine pregnancy blood test that my platelets are low - which means I will be switching to a gluten free diet. I love gluten and I would not consider myself one who has huge self-control when it comes to foods I love.  

This pregnancy hasn't been easy at all. To be honest, it's been my most miserable one yet. Pregnancy after losses is hard. There's the constant paralyzing fear that I've got to overcome daily. There's the need to stay hopeful no matter what. There's the "normal" pregnancy changes, annoyances, inconveniences and pain. Top all of that off with my progesterone levels being low and having to rely on a cream to keep it up; now add in a gluten free diet and you have a recipe for a lot of changes in a very short time leading to a very overwhelmed Mama.

But in all of this, I keep hearing one whisper from God,

"Hope; keep your hope."

Guys, I can remember one other time in my life when it was soooo hard to keep my hope. That was miserable and I'd like to think I've learned a bit since then.

Hope, it's this little four letter word with sooo much power. The opposite of "hope" is "hopeless" - depression, if you will. Hope isn't some magic word. Hope comes from Someone powerful. And there is only One Thing worth hoping in and with the power to keep you from feeling utterly hopeless - God.

My hope comes from God. I cannot manufacture it myself. I can and have tried to find hope in other things and they only keep my spirits high temporarily. But when my hope is fully in God, His promises and the truths I know about Him, my hope lasts. This is not to say I won't have days that are fully depressing and where I can hardly get myself out of bed in the morning. It's not going to fix all of my problems, but it will keep me out of that dark place I call Utter Hopelessness. A place I have been to many times and fight daily not to go back to again.

God's been teaching me what it is to lament and that it is very different from crying, which I've done alot of. I'm still a baby in my understanding of it, so maybe that will be a post some day in the future, but one thing I've learned is lamenting is not being in utter hopelessness. Lamenting is actually a really beautiful thing that can bring God much glory and be good for my spiritual soul. Lamenting will bring me closer to God; hopelessness will draw me away from Him.

I write all of this to do a little venting, and also to spread a little seed of hope to those of us who need it most. My most recent chant to myself is "Hope! Hope in God." And you too can find a lasting, comforting Hope in God as you walk through life's, often daily, uncertainties.   

~ Lizzie